Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize