can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize