god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
