I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well I just put wine in my tea
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
