The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
