sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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