the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
