just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
