when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
