I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i barfeds in our rink
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
