btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
