U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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