He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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