so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
