Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
