you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
