My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
