just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
