i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
