i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
