we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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