It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
