So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
