Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
