made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
