my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
