i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
