New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
