We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
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