Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
