im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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