I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
