Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
