OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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