Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize