How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
