Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's blow job season.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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