I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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