i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
