he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
