im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
