Your face is a jimmy john
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
