Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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