I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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