booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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