remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
