Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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