I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
