Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
