'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
