Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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