I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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