You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Drunk is not a location!
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