Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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