I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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