she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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