Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
