Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize