he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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