Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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