remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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