My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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