I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
