Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
