Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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