I think my vagina is haunted
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
