Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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