i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
