we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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