Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
