apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
