I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
