Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i wish my penis had a tongue
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize