Barsexuality is the new black.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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